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Q U O T E S

An ever-growing list of quotes in no particular order.

 

1. "The only way to get ideas for stories is to drink way too much coffee and buy a desk that doesn't collapse when you beat your head against it," -Douglas Noel Adams (real life)

2. "Science fiction is a subsection of fantasy, and it's often a fantasy with rivets on the outside." -- Terry Pratchett (real life)
 
 

3. "You can't be president of the chess club, you can't even run the U.S."
 (Weird Science)
 

  

4. "Mr. Green, what's that big toothpick?" -Sam
 "Sam, that's the Washington Monument," -Green (real life)

5. "Welcome to stupid," -Nathan Fillion/Johnny Donnelly (Two Guys and a Girl)

6. "Yeah, but [if you're drunk] you don't know you're stealing a motorcycle and hitting a truck!" -Sarah (real life)

7. "It's not a turkey. It's actually just a really big chicken. And who says wine from a bottle's better than wine from a box?" -Nathan Fillion/Johnny Donnelly (2GaaG)

8. "How did you get the tiny people to stop singing?" -David Boreanaz/Liam/Angel (Angel)

9. "You brought a vampire to my brothers bachelor party?!" -some guy (angel)

10. "It's your brother's graduation. Stop exploding," -Jason Seaver/Alan Thick (Growing Pains)

11. "Spike and I are getting married," -Buffy/Sarah Michelle Gellar (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

12. "I could really use a vacation being trapped in that musty old mummy movie all this time. Not to mention I haven't had a chance to visit the little boys room in 75 years," --Boris/Tony Jay (Eerie Indiana)

13. "A lot of educators tell students, "Think of your principal as your pal." I say, "Think of me as your judge, jury, and executioner." -Snyder/Armond (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

14. "You were gonna kill him!" --Frank Stein/Matt Lawrence
 "He killed me first!" --Carl/Ryan Reynolds
 "You were robbing him!" --Frank
 "Do you want to graduate in one or two pieces? Back off!" --Carl (Bolt neck)

 15. "This country is my rock and my soul rolls with my faith in God," -Christian Kane (America High)

16. "Death is here. He knows I'm a werewolf; I don't know how he knows that but when I got home he was sitting on my couch watching Lavern and Shirley with Dean," -Tommy Dawkins/Brendan Quinn (big wolf on campus)

17. "Alright. I'll tell you the truth," -Edwin Dingle/Danny Kaye
 "Now you're coming to your senses. Get every word of this Ms. Hutchinson," -O'Bryan
 "Well, I went to Smidt's Delicatessen for some potato salad. The harp music made me feel cold and damp and the potato salad turned into Prospect Park and then I jumped off the bus and there was Buster walking in a block of stone because he was dead and the water squirted through his head, but the police man didn't feel him when he kicked him because he was swinging by his tails in a tree. Or that he though he was. Then he put his arm around the girl and she didn't see him but the sailor knocked me down. That's when Buster got inside my body and started to dance," -Edwin
 "Holy jumping republicans! Throw this maniac out of here. Throw him in the river. Do anything with him!" -O'Bryan (Wonder Man)

18. "She's so evil, she makes Hitler look like Nathan Lane," --Jeff Nelson (real life)

19. "He's fine, he's fine. Your son is fine…he just need's some ice," -Jason/Jason Marsden <grabbing an entire bucket of ice from the freezer> (Boy meets world)

20. "In 1980, I…was…born! When I was five, I poopooed on the bus. Remember!" -Eric/Will (Boy meets world)

21. "I knew you were ok. If it were serious the guys at work wouldn't be making jokes about it," -Marty/Tiffani Theisen
 "Jokes? What kind of jokes?" -Pete Dunville/Rich Ruccolo
 "I can't remember," --Marty
 "No, really. What kind of jokes?" -Pete
 "What's faster than a baby bear?" --Marty
"I don't know, what?" -Pete
 "Not Pete," --Marty
 "That's a joke?" -Pete
 "Well, it was funny over the loud speaker," --Marty (2 guys and a girl)

22. "The vampire is with you? Then who the hell's the English guy?" --?/? (Angel)

23. "Well the Pope may be French, but Jesus is English!" -Roland (A Knight's Tale)

24. "See, to me, England was nothing more then a big f***ing American state like North Dakota...or Canada." -- Stevo/Matthew Lillard (SLC Punk)

25. "British lobsters with funny haircuts?" -Jaeger
"They don't eat lobster in London," -Jan
"Yeah, they're too hairy," -Jeff (real life)

26. "Work with me British Man, give me an accent and show me where to point it," -Xander/Nick (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

27. "What were you doing?" -- Cooper/Mark-Paul Gosselaar
"Uh, nothing." -- Matt /Corey Page
"You were singing a showtune." --Cooper
"No I wasn't." --Matt
"You can't be suicidal if you're singing showtunes. Look at you. You're not even depressed!" --Cooper
"Yes I am. Look at me, I'm very f***ing depressed." --Matt
"You f***ing poser!" --Cooper
"I am not a f***ing pose..." --Matt
*gasp* "You're not even British!" --Cooper (Dead Man on Campus)

28. <Pete throws Johnny's wallet on the ice>
 "Oh look, your wallet's out onto the ice!" -Pete/Rich Ruccolo
 "Alright, I need a big stick," -Johnny/ Nathan Fillion
 "I don't think a stick is gonna reach that," -Berg/Ryan Reynolds
 "No! To beat Pete!" -Johnny (Two Guys and a Girl)

29. "Of course! He's not a mummy, he's an actor!" -Marshal Teller/Omri Kaatz
 "Great, I've been kidnapped by geniuses," --Boris/Tony Jay (Eerie Indiana)

30. "No," -- Ashley/Susan Crier
"What do you mean, no?" -- Berg/Ryan Reynolds
"No. I veto you," -- Ashley
"You can't veto me. I'm not Congress," -- Berg (Two Guys and a Girl)

31. "Merry Bleedin' Christmas," -Spike/James Marsters(Angel)

32. "You might burn up like a cheap Christmas tree," -Chad (SailorMoon)

33. "They rejected the sacred turkey!" --?/Courtaney (So Weird)

34. "I'm 25. I was 24 for a whole year," -Dewey/David Arquette(Scream)

35. "And what I hear, and I hope I'm still dreaming, is the Star Spangled Banner being belted out by a green demon," -Angel/David Boreanaz (Angel)

36. "It's two day's 'till Christmas and Sharon's really…screwed. Lost her cushy job, has to sell her car, gonna be a…gardener…" -Berg/Ryan Reynolds <singing>
 "And Berg has to work on Christmas Day!" -Sharon Carter/Traylor Howard<also singing> (2 guys and a girl)

37. "Our historical figures are all locked up and my dad won't let 'em go," --Ted/Kenau Reeves (Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure)

38. "You know, I was thinking, if this guy ever saw a demon, he'd probably throw a shoe at it and run away. It turned out the shoe part was giving him too much credit," -Cordelia/Charisma Carpenter (Angel)


 39. "If you've done six impossible things today, why not top it off with breakfast at Milliways, the Restaurant at the end of the Universe," -Book/PeterJones (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

40. "Would you like to see my windshield collection? I have many kinds!" -Phong/Mike (reboot)

41. " Movies don't create psychos. Movies make psychos more creative!" -Billy/Skeet Ulrich (Scream)

42. "Ow! You hit me with the phone!" -Stu Macher/Mathew Lillard (Scream)

43. "I fell onto…a foot," -Mertin Dingle/Danny Smith (big wolf on campus)

44. Angel voice: "Say no more. There is still evil afoot and I'm almost out of that Nancy-boy hair gel I like so much. Quickly to the Angel-mobile away!" -Spike/James Marsters (Angel)

45. "Holy incompatibility Batman!" -Berg/Ryan Reynolds(2 guys and a girl)

46. "Is it me or did it just get dumb in here?" --Dana Foster/Staci Keanan (Step by Step)

47. "I guess our insurance doesn't cover dyslexic colorblind foreign drivers who freak out behind the wheel," -Frank Lambert/Patrick Duffy (Step by Step)

48. "Where's the Mayonnaise Lid? I'm not wearing any underpants" -Mary M. (real life)

49. "But Daddy, I don't want to flush my poopies. It makes them sad," -kid (Growing Pains)

50. "Okay, I think you missed something in the whole poop-head principal," -Willow Rosenburg/Allysson Hannigan (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

51. "I've got the poor man's heating. I sit in my apartment with a can of hairspray and Lysol. Come on global warming. We're killing the planet with Lysol! How sad would that be if the world ended because Cousin Al blew off the door to the bathroom. Indirectly, humanity would end because of Taco Bell," -- Lee Camp (Toddler Powered Vehicles)

52. "Hey horse, where's your head?"

53. "That's your excuse for everything. 'Your head was in my way'" -Jaeger (real life)

54. "It's bucket-o-nothin'. Surprise your friends, amaze your families, annoy perfect strangers. It's absolutely nothing. Now, yours, free for only 99 99 99," -Mike/Michael (reboot)

55. "It's a big rock, can't wait to tell my friends. They don't have a rock this big."-Spike/James Marsters(Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

56. "We're best friends, doesn't that mean anything to you?" -Pete Dunville/Rich Ruccolo
 "Your beard is on my mother!" -Berg/Ryan Reynolds (TGAAG)

57. "Look behind you Jamie. Behind you. Turn around. Look there he is!" -Randy Meeks/Jamie Kennedy (Scream)

58. "Turn back Sarah. Turn back before it's too late," -Jareth/David Bowie (Labyrinth)

59. "I meant like flower arranging or folk dancing. Not stalking your daughter!" -Frank Lambert/Patrick Duffy (Step by Step)

60. "How many Sarahs do you think are on this island?" -Ian Malcolm/Jeff Goldblum (Lost World)

61. "Hi ho! Uh…not that you're a…uh…" Status/? (Off Centre)

62. "Now it smells like French-fried A**,"-Brad Tieggs (real life)

63. "I Johnny Donnely take you Sharon Carter to be my lawful wedded bride. To hold and to have. Whether you have money or not. Whether you're feeling not well or well. Until one of us is dead," --Johnny Donnely/Nathan Fillion

64. "As that Shakespeare dude once said, a friend by any other name would smell as sweet, until death do us part. Aw, that Shakespeare dude was so right!" -Cody Lambert/Sasha Mitchell (Step by Step)

65. "Looks like somebody peed in her Cheerios this morning." -Jamie Kennedy (JKX)

66. "We're decent people. What is the world coming to? We can't even drive down the highway in our OWN HOUSE!" -Rat Race

67. "If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe," -some guy (Life of Stars)

68. "It wasn't that he had a drug habit. He WANTED to have a drug habit. What he HAD was a stupidity habit, which cut in whenever he found anything being sold in little bags, and this had resulted in Mr. Tulip seeking heaven in flour, salt, baking powder, and pickled beef sandwiches," -- Terry Pratchett (The Truth)

69. "Happiness is like peeing on yourself. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth," -Julia (real life)

70. "I wear the cheese. The cheese does not wear me," -Cheese man (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

71. "Thank God men haven't learned to fly: they'd lay waste the sky as well as the earth. Chop down the clouds!" --Henry David Thoreau (The Night Thoreau Spent in Jail by Jerome Lawrence and Robert E. Lee)

72. "He suddenly felt rather foolish. He had been imagining, a little wildly, that someone had specifically painted the name of a bisected cat on a signpost on a New Mexican road especially for his benefit." -Douglas Adams (The Salmon of Doubt)

73. "I got chocolate on my underwear!" -Erin B. (real life)

74. "She's eating my pants!" -Nikki V. (real life)

75. "Can I have my pants please?" (Pronounced Con Ah have ma pay-aunts please?)-Wallace/Jamie Kennedy (3 Kings)

76. "But words that can be taken apart and used to make other words...well, that's just downright dangerous," -- Hughnon (The Truth by Terry Pratchett)

77. "You should take Spanish because it's easier than French and it'll come in handy because the Mexicans are taking over Wisconsin. That's what my mommy said," --Lindsey H. (real life)

78. "Better safe than stupid," --Chuck/Fisher Stevens (Early Edition)

79. "I've been handling refrigerators since I was 15," -Adrian Monk/Tony Shaloub (Monk)

80. "We don't have to be proper, we're in a bowling alley!" -Carissa (real life)

81. "But father, I don't fancy egg salad. I much prefer tea and crumpets. And I like me porridge. Porridge tastes good. "-Mertin Dingle/Danny Smith (big wolf on campus)

82. "Liver alone. Liver alone. Ow. Li…liver. Liver Alone. It was a joke!" -Stu Macher/Mathew Lillard (Scream)

83. "Did you put her liver in the mailbox cause I heard they found her liver in the mailbox next to her spleen and pancreas," -Randy Meeks/Jamie Kennedy (Scream)

84. "Mini moomoo," -- Jaeger
"Like a calf?" --Jaime
"Not a baby cow. An old cow who's just smaller than the rest," -- Jaeger
"Aw," --Jaime
"Aw what?" --Jaeger
"Poor wittew cow, not as big as da udders," --Jaime (real life)

85. "If a doily falls in the woods and no one is around, does it make a sound? No because doilies don't make sound," --Jaime
"Because they're not important," -- Jaeger (real life)

86. "How'd they make the dog sad?" -Jaime
"They probably sprayed it with water," -Jaeger
"It didn't look wet," -Jaime
"They probably dried it of…….with a porcupine," -Jaeger (real life)

87. "We used to have a boat," -Jaeger
"Jaeger, that was a swimming pool," -Jaime (real life)

88. "Why are baby spoons shaped like a U?" --Jaime
"Because when parents try to get their babies to eat, they make U shapes with their mouths. So the baby mimics them. So the spoon will fit in their mouth.......Although, if they just used a regular spoon, they wouldn't need to make that face," --Jaeger (real life)

89. "A haunted toaster. Cool!" -Simon Homes/Justin S (Eerie Indiana)

90. "I also wear a ridiculous straw hat. That doesn't mean you should wear a ridiculous hat. You'd look ridiculous in it." -- Henry David Thoreau (The Night Thoreau Spent in Jail by Jerome Lawrence and Robert E. Lee)

91. "Anyone can TALK a line of sh**, and anyone can SING like sh**, but if you can get someone to SING a line of sh** and make it sound like MUSIC, then you've GOT something!" -C.P. Roth (real life)

92. "All that Nureeking and Hunrunking and just when you expect it to Nureek again, it scroolottles!" -Krissy Kochanski/Chloe Annett (Red Dwarf)

93. "You win some, you lose some," -Dash X/Jason Marsden (Eerie Indianna)

94. "What the hell is going on, I mean what the hell is going on?!" -Val/Kevin Bacon (Tremors)

95. "AHHH! Dang prairie dog hole!" -Earl Basset/Fred Ward (Tremors)

96. "So I tell him I'm finished working for his stupid chemical company. If he wants to get on TV and say that the hole in the ozone layer is our window to the Lord, be my guest," -Sharon Carter/Traylor Howard(2 guys and a girl)

97. "Stay frosty Sparky!" -AndrAIa/Sharon Alexander (reboot)

98. "I finished my nap!" -Gune/John Legonzamos (Titan After Earth)

99. "Do not mock my monkey pants!" -Oz/Seth Green (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

100. "Take that horse and put it back under that idiot!" -King (Court Jester)

101. "The guy moistens his eyeballs and we're having a meeting over it?" -Xander Harris/Nicholas Brendon (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

102. "Um, there's a little red thingy moving towards a little green thingy. Um, I think we're the little green thingy,"-Guy/Sam Rockwell (Galaxy Quest)

103. "Soilent Green is people!" -Pete Dunville/Rich Ruccolo (TGAAG)

104. "Back in five minutes? How do you know it's five minutes? You don't even know when they put the sign up! That's silly," -some guy (Lassie)

105. "I haven't had this much fun in minutes!" -Mr. Mitchell/? (Reboot)

106. "There are lots of strange people in the world, and most of them are me," -Jamie Kennedy (JKX)

107. "Darien? Serena? I've never heard these names before," -Darien (SailorMoon)

108. "It's not that I hate farmers. It's just that they're so stupid with their overalls and hats. And every time it rains, they're on TV. Well yeah, there's a flood coming! It floods every year. And you know what they call soda? Pop. You walk into a store and it says club soda, not club pop! I mean they're 40 years behind us," -Andrew Dice Clay (Whatever it Takes)

109. "I can't see you. Therefore…you do not exist!" -P. Siharath

110. "All this mumbo jumbo sounds sneaky and I will not have Raye being sneaked on!" -Chad (SailorMoon)

111. "It's a pencil box with lots of pencils in it too," -junk lady/Denise Bryer (Labyrinth)

112. "Chad get out of the d*** trash can!" -Mickey Parke/Alex Solowitz(2ge+her)

113. "You're plastic pal who's fun to be with!" (Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy: Douglas Adams)

114. "They hung in the air the exact same way that bricks don't" --book/ Peter Jones (Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy: Douglas Adams)

115. "I'm sure glad they invented that rubber gripper for toothbrushes because before that, those toothbrushes were flying right out of my hand!" --Lee Camp (comedian)

116. "How did I fit all those crayons in my mouth?" -Mertin Dingle/Danny Smith (Big wolf on Campus)

117. "If you feel the need to vomit, don't," -Maxine (reboot)

118. "I got two birthday presents today, but one ran away," -Lindsey H.
 "What kind of present is that?" -Nicole M.
 "Well…you remember Hitler?" -Lindsey H. (real life)

119. "I'm feeling woozy here!" -Stu Macher/Mathew Lillard (Scream)

120. "Ford you're turning into a penguin. Stop it!" -Arthur Dent/Simon Jones (Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy)

121. "That is not the point quack. The point is now I am a perfectly safe penguin quack!" -Ford Prefect/David Dixon (Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy)

122. "Me and good ol' Frisket here just kicked Megabyte's bitmap. That's all," -Enzo (Reboot)

123. "A little box that goes VST. Just what I've always wanted!" -Kryton/Robert Llewelen (Red Dwarf)

124. "It's like taking money management without money," -Shorty
"Yeah, or aviation without a boat," -Mo (real life)

125. "…Making some kind of time warp zappy thing!" -Marshal Teller/Omri Kaatz
 "Of course, why didn't I think of that?" --Boris/Tony Jay (Eerie Indiana)

126. "Sorry I'm late, but I wasn't on time," --Collin Mochrie (Who's line is it anyway?)

127. "Warning this is not a drill. This is a drill. Oh dang, my drill alarm broke again. Awooga!" -Holly/Hattie Hayridge (Red Dwarf)

128. "I have to fix the chicken!" -Jaeger (real life)

129. "You're interrupting the throw of the pig!" -Kristen/K10 (real life)

130. "It's not as viscous a rumor as the rumor I directed Boy Meets World, but it's up there," -Joss Whedon

131. "Hey! Keep your eyes in your own country!" --Courtney (real life)

132. "This book may look thicker than this one, but that's because it is…and the reason for that is that it has more pages," --Siharath (real life)

133. "Back then I was just a regular Fireman. I wasn't even allowed to use the flame thrower!" (F451)

134. "No, I have to go now to…Job…thing…Fire!" -Pete Dunville/Richard Ruccolo (TGAAG)

135. "Look mommy. Firemen. There's going to be a fire!" (F451)

136. "Did you really call the police? My mom and dad are going to be so mad at me!" -Stu Macher/Mathew Lillard (Scream)

137. "On the plus side, you killed the bench, which was looking kind of shifty," -Oz/Seth Green (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

138. "We're in another world! Carmen Elektra sucked the ring out of my mouth! Poop is disappearing! We're through the looking glass people!" -- Mike/Eddie K Thomas (Off Centre)

139. " It's Giles…with a chainsaw," -willow/Allyson Hannigan (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

140. "He's a valley girl!" (real life)

141. "You're going to the cemetery with your toothbrush. How Egyptian," -Mertin/Danny Smith (BwoC)

142. "The problem is that Tinkerbelle and the sun are on the same tween," -Michael Walker

143. "We're a few million miles from Earth in a giant white face. What's impossible?" (Mission to Mars)

144. "Sorry I mangled your face," -Sidney/Neve Campbell (Scream)

145. "Of course you don't look a day over 12!" -Gale/Courtney Cox (Scream)

146. "She looked dead man. She still does!" -Stu/Mathew Lillard (Scream)

147. "If Xander kills himself, he's dead!" -Buffy/Sarah Michelle Gellar (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

148. "It's a fun game Sidney. Ya see we ask ya question and if you get it wrong, BOOKA! You die," -Stu/Mathew Lillard (Scream)

149. "There's a formula! A very simple formula! Everybody's a suspect!" -Randy/Jamie Kennedy(Scream)

150. "You wobble like a weeble!" -Eric/Will Freidle (Boy Meets World)

151. "Your ears! Take off your ears! You don't need two ears!" -Fiery guy (Labyrinth)

152. "No! I don't want to be a waiter!" -- Valentine (MirrorMask by Neil Gaiman)

153. " One of the pigeons lazily opened one eye and said 'lelulola' which is pigeon for deh?" -- Terry Pratchett (Monstrous Regirment)

154. "I'm from the Young Drivers of America where our motto is 'My God we're caught in quicksand!'" --Ryan Stiles (Who's line is it anyway?)

155. "Yeah, that's a fair trade. I get a used TV guide and you get my mother!" -Berg/Ryan Reynolds(TGAAG)

156. "Angel Investigations. We hope you're helpless…no wait…" -Doyle/Glenn Quinn
 <Suppose to be "We help the hopeless"> (Angel)

157. "Can you make that negative three negative?" -Josh N. (real life)

158. "A girdle. It's one of those things you slip on…like a sock…with the bottom cut off," -Green (real life)

159. "Why work like a dog so you can pant f or a moment or two before you die?" -- Henry David Thoreau

160. "I think Lucifer was a lawyer: that's why the Devil still gives advice to Presidents," -- Henry David Thoreau (The Night Thoreau Spent in Jail by Jerome Lawrence and Robert E. Lee)

161. "This is toast from the toaster you sold me, but look. It's not brown. It's not crispy. It's not even toast. It's bread. You sold me a breader," -- Pete/Richard Ruccolo (Two Guys and a Girl)

162. "So…what's your favorite scary movie?" -Randy/Jamie Kennedy<talking to killer> (Scream2)

163. "I'm sorry, you didn't want to talk to me at the airport yesterday and unfortunately I don't want to talk to you now," -Darren Hayes (Parallel Lives)

164. "The correct answer is no," -Mertin/Danny Smith (Big wolf on campus)

165. "Stupidity Leak!" -Tatum/Rose <hits Stu in the head with a sucker repetitively> (Scream)

166. "When I look basic up in the dictionary, it's you that I see Dot," -Bob <punch> (Reboot)

167. "Why does everyone here always slap me?!"<slap> -Green/Michael McKean (Clue)

168. "Do you know what this is? Neither do I. I made it last night in my sleep. I made a button on it. I would press it, but I don't know what will happen if I do," -Gune/John Leganzamos (Titan A.E.)

169. "The kid's . . . in the guerilla cage," --bad guy (Baby's Day Out)

170. " ' My GPA's too high, my principal is too naked.' You know you really are becoming boring," --Lisa/Vanessa (Weird Science)

171. "For the whole hitting you in the face thing, how many people in a group?" --Josh M. (real life)

172. "As Shakespeare once said, 'Buster! Buster!'" -Edwin/Danny Kaye (Wonder Man)

173. "I've never put on pantyhose but it sounds dangerous," --Joe (Princess Diaries)

174. "I've been thinking I don't HAVE a brain tumor because you never had a brother!" -Terry/Billy Bob Thornton (Bandits)

175. "Excuse me, Reita is not a bird, she's a cockatoo," --Booker (Jett Jackson)

176. "Feenay! Feh-heh-heh-Eenay! FEENAY!" --Eric/Will Freidle (Boy Meets World)

177. "I don't like having cauliflower in my shoe," -Nicole M. (real life)

178. "Corey, Get the phone. Ring Ring!" --Eric/Will *smack*--Alan (Boy Meets World)

179. "I didn't even buy this cereal. I didn't buy this milk that used to be white milk, but now it's chocolate milk because it's cocoapuffs and I've been sitting here for nine hours," --Eric/Will Freidle (Boy Meets World)

180. "When a crime breaks out all the cute girls shout, get the...Good-Looking Guy. When there's a crime out there, he's gonna...comb his hair, he's the...Good-Looking Guy!" --Eric/Will Freidle (Boy Meets World)

181. "Listen Pocahontas, if you don't put your ear to the ground, you'll never hear the buffalo comin'" --Hank/Jim Carey (Me, Myself, and Irene)

182. "I can't hear because I can't see," --Ms. Washa (real life)

183. "O Frettled Gruntbuggly, thy micturations are to me / As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee / Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes / And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles / lest I rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurgle-cruncheon / See if I don't!" -Geltz/Martin (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

184. "Sorry, did I say something wrong? Pardon me for breathing which I don't do anyway so I don't know why I even bother to say it oh God I'm so depressed," -Marvin/David (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

185. "The slightest thought hadn't even begun to speculate about the merest possibility of crossing my mind." -Prosser/Joe (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

186. "Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so." -Ford/David Dixon

187. "Life. Don't talk to me about life." --Marvin/David (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

188. "Life, loath it or ignore it, you can't like it," -Marvin/David (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

189. "That is where we have to go. Down into the very depths of time itself where no man has trod these five million years. We are not gonna be great. We are not gonna be amazing. We are gonna be *amazingly* amazing!" -Zaphod/Mark Wing-Davey (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

190. "If there's anything more important than my ego around here, I want it caught and shot now," -Zaphod/Mark Wing-Davey (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

191. "The best drink in existence is the Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster, the effect of which is like having your brain smashed out with a slice of lemon…wrapped around a large gold brick," -announcer/Peter Jones (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

192. "It's the weird color-scheme that freaks me. Every time you try to operate one of these weird black controls, which are labeled in black on a black background, a small black light lights up in black to let you know you've done it!" -Zaphod/Mark Wing-Davey (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

193. "I'm gonna have a little farm on Fiji. I'm gonna have a sheep and a cow and breed horses," --Lister/Craig Charles (Red Dwarf)

194. "A-U-S? No, there's no such thing," -Mrs. Miller (real life)

195. "The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle and the chalice from the palace has the brew that it true. They broke the chalice from the palace! Now the Pellet with the poison is in the flagon with the dragon and the vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true," -- Danny Kaye (Court Jester)

196. "Brian, are you ever going to get rid of your gum before I have to tell you to?" --Miller
 "It's not gum, it's plastic," --Brian
 "You're chewing on plastic? Why are you chewing on plastic?" --Miller
 "Because I don't have any gum," --Brian (real life)

197. "She's your x-psychiatrist and now she's spray-painting our building?!" -kid/Live
 "Who cares what psychiatrists write on walls!" -Jeffrey Goins/Brad Pitt (12 Monkeys)

198. "I'm a man, not a sponge!" -Brady
 "This man wants the same rights as a sponge!" -Drummond (Inherit the Wind)

199. "Hey Ford, how many escape capsules are there?" -Zaphod/Mark Wing-Davey
 "None," -Ford/David Dixon
 "You counted them?" -Zaphod
 "Twice," -Ford (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

200. "What's so wrong about being drunk?" -Arthur/Simon Jones
 "Ask a glass of water" -Ford/David Dixon (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

201. "You know, it's at times like this, when I'm stuck in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, about to die of asphyxiation in deep space, that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young." -Arthur/Simon Jones
 "Why? What did she tell you?" -Ford/David Dixon
 "I don't know. I didn't listen." -Arthur/Simon (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

202. "I wonder what will happen if I press this button." -Arthur/Simon Jones
 "Don't." -Ford/David Dixon
 [Presses it] "Oh." --Arthur
 "What happened?" --Ford
 "A sign lit up saying "Please do not press this button again." -Arthur (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

203. "The only person I can stand to be around is a neutered vampire who cheats at kitten poker," --Buffy/Sarah Michelle Gellar (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

204. "Look! Flaming bag of poo," -Nicole M.
 "Ooo! Gimme!" -Jolie A. (real life)

205. "Let me get this straight. You want to fly on a magic carpet to see the King of the Potato people and plead for you freedom and you're trying to tell me you're completely sane? Oh, Mr. Flibble is very cross," --Rimmer/Chris Barry (Red Dwarf)

206. "Excuse me, is there a little girls room I could use?" -Peacock
 "Oui Oui," -Yvette
 "No I just gotta powder my nose," -Peacock (Clue)

207. <Sidney hangs up the phone and even though it doesn't ring Dewey picks it up again> "Hello?" -Dewey/David Arquette (Scream)

208. "Here's the thing. We're not geeks, we're not jocks, we're not preps. We are our own thing," -Nicole M.
 "We're freaks!" -Jolie A.
 "And we can all say the word 'OH'," -Carissa M. (real life)

209. "There are some things I can just smell. It's like a sixth sense," -Snyder
"No, actually, that would be one of the five," -Giles/Anthony Stewart Head (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

210. "…And I lost my favorite shoooooe," -Plank
 "Look, I didn't mean to send all of your stuff out into space," -Zenon
 "Tell that to my desk," -Plank (Zenon the Zequal)

211. "Do you like my hair Dooa? It looks dorky. Dorky! <spit> I need to wash my hair," -Mary
 "Mary get your shoes on," -Dave
 "I gotta go pee. <flush> Where's my shoes? I don't think I'll flush because I'll wake up the whole neighborhood," -Mary (real life)

212. "I picked her up, her head fell off, you started to cry!" -Diane/Lauren Ambrose
"I did not cry…much" -Kenny/Seth Green (Can't Hardly Wait)

213. "My friend Steve says 'Look! They've got an open latte!' I said, 'Steve, that's open late. You need another T if you want a latte.' He said, 'I don't like tea, I like coffee.'" -- Vince Morris (real life)

214. "Maybe we slipped into another dimension, like through a portal or something. A space-time continuum. A black hole or a red dwarf. A time warp! Maybe we fell into some sort of time warp. Abducted. Yes! Maybe that's it: we were abducted by aliens and they've taken us back to their planet and put us in some kind of zoo with a sign that says: Don't feed the humans, which is crazy because we'll die, and who's going to want to go to a zoo to see two dead humans? Unless they're going to eat US, but why wouldn't they want to fatten us up before the slaughter? Unless they are feeding us, and we just don't know it, or they're not feeding us and they're just waiting and watching to see how we'll react. What are you doing?!"--Andrew/Andrew Miller
"I'm making a trap!" -- Dave/David Hewlett
"For what?" -- Andrew
"The food! The food, you idiot, the food!" -- Dave (Nothing)

215. "When we get out of here, I'll by you 40 bags of Gum drops" -Worth / David Hewlett
 "Boxes. Gum drops come in boxes," -Kazan / Andrew Miller (Cube)

216. "How many of these have you had?" -Pete / Richard Ruccolo
 "All different colors all working together! Why can't people get along like Jell-o?" -Mellissa
(2 guys and a girl)

217. "What's there?" --Peacock
 "Nobody," -Plum/Christopher Lloyd
 "What do you mean nobody?" -Peacock
"No body. Mr. Body's body. It's gone!" -Plum (Clue)

218. "Jesus! The camera, hurry!" -Gale/Courtney Cox
 "My name isn't Jesus!" -Kenny (Scream)

219. "Oh God! We're going to die! We're going to die!" -cameraman/James Marsters (House on Haunted Hill)

220. "So this is it. We're going to die," -Arthur/Simon Jones
 "I do wish you would stop saying that," -Ford/David Dixon (Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy)

221. "Hey, I'm suppose to be singing with him," -Robert Goulle
 "Come on, you've been hogging the machine all night, Goulle," -Pete/Richard Ruccolo (2 guys and a girl)

222. "I'd ask you to come in but my parents are asleep and there's this crazy French dude running around," -JT Lambert/Brandon Call (Step by Step)

223. "Will you get to the point?!" -Angel/David Boreanaz
 "Yes I will Mr. Get-To-The-Pointy-Pants!" -Host/Andy Hallett (Angel)

224. "That's funny. You're funny. I like it when we say mean things to each other. No, no wait a minute. I like it when I say mean things to you and then you just kind of stare at me and go, 'big words make my head hurt,'" -Ashley/Susan Crier <Drunk and talking to Pete/Richard Ruccolo> (Two Guys and a Girl)

225. "Hey Mr. Kellogg," -Joe O.
 "Hey. How you doin'?" -Kellogg
 "Fine…you're holding a hack saw…" -Joe O. (real life)

226. "A book." --Kaleigh V.
 "Yeah, I borrowed it." -Tia S.
 "You what?" -Kaleigh V.
 "I borrowed it," -Tia S.
 "From who?" -Kaleigh V.
 "The library," -Tia S.
 "Oh…but that's so…weird," -Kaleigh V. (real life)

227. "Will you stop that?!" -Mr. Green/Michael McKean
 "No," -Wadsworth/Tim Curry (Clue)

228. "There is the house whose people sit in darkness; dust is their food and clay their meat. They are clothed like birds with wings for covering, they see no light, they sit in darkness. I entered the house of dust and I saw the kings of the earth, their crowns put away for ever; rulers and princes, all those who once wore kingly crowns and ruled the world in the days of old," -- Gilgamesh

229. "I thought they fired your sorry ***" -Tatum/Rose
 "Twice!" -Randy/Jamie Kennedy (Scream)

230. "Hi Andrew, what are you doing here?" -Serena
 "I'm the guy who works here remember?" -Andrew
 "Oh yeah" -Serena (Sailor Moon)

231. "I can't run for president because you got a silly rule about having to have actually been born in America and the Pope is out 'cause I heard you actually had to be Catholic. Oh well, I'd rather go out with a bang than be a once-was-burned-out-sell-out-but-still-fabulous-looking-rock-star," -Prota/Phillip Rhys (Zenon the Zequal)

232. "You don't know the rules?!" -Randy/Jamie Kennedy
 "Geez, have an aneurysm why don't ya?" -Stu/Mathew Lillard

233. "Where are you going?" -Jason/Tim Allen
 "To see if there's a pub," -Alexander/Alan Rickman (Galaxy Quest)

234. "Sharon, the second he sees that tattoo, he's never letting me near anyone he cares about again. I wanted to be the best man at his wedding. I wanted to be Uncle Berg to his kids. He'd say 'no soda' and I'd give them soda. Now no one gets soda," -Berg/Ryan Reynolds (2 guys and a girl)

235. "Why did someone throw a perfectly good piece of pizza in the garbage?" -Sami A.
 "Because it fell on Steve," -Jolie A.
 "I'll eat it!" -Nicole M. (real life)

236. "If you don't vote, you can't complain," -Dr. Horstmeyer
 "But we did vote. We made a door and it won! It's Al Gore winning the popular vote over here and we still don't have doughnuts!" -Chris M. (real life)

237. "I am not pretending to be a potato!" --Michael Blake/Richard Ruccolo
 "By on Sunday, she's going to marry Mr. Potato Head and then she'll be Mrs. Potato Head and they'll be off together cooking little spuds," --Rene (The One)

238. "Have I ever let you down?" -Buffy/Sarah Michelle Gellar
 "Do you want me to answer that, or shall I just glare?" -Giles/Anthony Stewart Head (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

239. "By being closer to danger, we'll be furthest from harm; it's the last thing he expects," -Pippin/Billy
 "That doesn't make sense to me, but you are very small; perhaps you are right," -tree (The Two Towers)

240. "I've fallen down and I can't get up!" -Frank/Patrick Duffy
 "You think you've got problems? I'm up and I can't fall down!" -Jean Luc/Bronson Pinchot (Step by Step)

241. "AHH!" --Judy/Kirsten Dunst
 "What?!" --Alan/Robin Williams
 "Nothing!" --Judy
 "You don't go 'AHH!' for nothing!" --Alan (Jumanji)

242. "What about da universe?" -Keeper of the Continuum Transfunctioner
 "Screw da universe!" -Jesse/Ashton Kucher
 "Scwew da universe?" -Keeper of the Continuum Transfunctioner (Dude, Where's my Car?)

243. "My head. Electricity. AHHHH! My skull's flattening! My eyes rolling off the top of my head! My Head! It's expanding like a balloon! No wait! It's…It's…getting smaller. No bigger than a can of spackle. In the sky! What's that? Flying…man…can…spam…clam…yam! I am what I am! I am a yam!" -Chet / Lee Tergesen (Weird Science)

244. "Don't touch me, I might get pregnant," --Dana Foster/Staci Keanan
 "I think you and your mom need to have talk," --Rich/Jason Marsden (Step by Step)

245. "Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff."

246. "Build a man a fire, and you keep him warm for a single night.
 Set a man on fire, and you keep him warm for the rest of his life!"

247. "Never judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets mad, he'll be a mile away and barefoot."

248. "Don't try to play catch with a cat…throwing cats tends to get people hurt. If ignorance is bliss, then why aren't more people happy?" -Laura Caddell

249. "With a traffic light, red means stop, yellow means wait, green means go. With a banana, green means wait, yellow means go, and red is like, 'Hey man! Where'd you get that banana!?" - Aaron Ryan

250. "So I take shelter in tomorrow
 Tomorrow will bring a brand new day
 I think I can make it right tomorrow
I think I need some more sleep today."

251. "Duct tape is like The Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together." - Carl Zwanzig

252. "Human beings have neither the moral nor the psychological capacity to withstand the awesome power of God's true voice. Were you to hear it, your mind would cave in and your heart would explode within your chest. We went through five Adams before we figured that out." --the voice/Alan Rickman (Dogma)

253. "To see a world in a grain of sand
 And a heaven in a wild Flower,
 Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
 And Eternity in an hour." - William Blake

254. Because we do not know when we will die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. And yet everything happens only a certain number of times; and a very small number really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood; an afternoon that is so deeply a part of your being that you cant conceive of your life without it? Perhaps 4 or 5 times more? Perhaps not even that many. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps 20. And yet it all seems limitless."- Brandon Lee

255. "And quite a tale it is too. Full of ribald adventures and beautiful damsels with loose morals," -Doyle/Glenn Quinn (Angel)

256. "My daddy, he is grounded like the oak tree. My momma, she is steady as the sun. You know I love my folks, but I keep staring down the road, just looking for my one chance to run." - Coleen Crotty

257. "Reality is what we take to be true. What we take to be true is what we believe. What we believe is based upon our perceptions. What we perceive depends upon what we look for. What we look for depends upon what we think. What we think depends upon what we perceive. What we perceive determines what we believe. What we believe determines what we take to be true. What we take to be true is our reality." - Gary Zukav

258. "Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today" - James Dean

259. "Even the word HOPELESS has HOPE in it," -Kochanski/Chloe Annette (Red Dwarf)

260. "I do therefore I be, I be therefore I do, To be or not to be, do be do be do."

261. "So many channels. So little to watch," --Boris/Tony Jay (Eerie Indiana)

262. "I would sacrifice forever with strangers to spend one moment with the one I love," -Tobias/Christpher Ralph (Animorphs)

263. "... people need and people who need people are the luckiest," -Doyle/Glenn Quinn (Angel)

264. "Chaos will always rule over order. It is the way of things," --Hex (Reboot)

265. "You're like an upside-down rainbow. You're smile brings out the sun and that's why you're my best friend," --Mickey/Alex Solowitz to QT/Michael Cuccione (2Ge+her)

266. "The hardest thing in this world is to live in it," --Buffy/Sarah Michelle Gellar (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

267. "Yes, it's terribly simple. The good-guys are always star awarded and true. The bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats and we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies and everyone lives happily ever after," --Giles/Anthony Stewart Head (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

268. "We'll go until we…stop and then…we'll be done," -Green (real life)

269. "Here's the thing, there's moments in your life that make you. That sets the course of who you're gonna be. Sometimes they're little subtle moments; sometimes they're not. I'll show you what I mean. Bottom line is, even if you see them coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asked for their life to change, not really. But it does. So what are we? Helpless? Puppets? Nah. The big moments are gonna come. You can't help dat. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are. You'll see what I mean," --Whistler/Max Perlich (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

270. "Do the people out there come to you for help?" -Zarniwoop
 "Out where?" -Ruler of the Universe
"Out there," -Zaphod Beeblebrox <pointing to the door>
 "How can you tell there's anything out there? The door is closed," -Ruler of the Universe (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy part TWO - The Restaurant at the end of the Universe)

271. "A whisper in a dead man's ear doesn't make it real," --Spike/James Marsters (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

272. "The words you use the most like the "lie" in believe, the "I" in deceive, the "her" in together, the "we" in the weather," --Blessid Union of Souls

273. "Sometimes I miss him on stage. We'll be together, but alone and it's like we lead these lives which are simultaneous. It's like they're parallel lives going in the same direction, but they never meet,"-Darren Hayes (Parallel Lives)

274. "This is my story. A young knight seduced to the dark side. Fortunately I was seduced back again," --Brian Cruver/Christian Kane (The Crooked E)


 275. "He Spilled!" --Rich/Jason and JT/Brandon Call (Step by Step)

276. "Wise One, what will happen if they fail?" -binome (reboot)

277. "Oh Dad!" -Binome (Reboot)

278. "Eat your soup or Granny's gonna get the spatula," (real life)

279. "These things go in water?" -Chad/Noah Bastian (2ge+her)

280. "My hair hurts!" -Charles Vernell (Eerie Indiana)

281. "No, don't put the golf ball in the microwave!" -Whitney (real life)

282. "AND THEN?" --Chinese Foooood Lady (Dude, Where's My Car?)

283. "Are you saying Lance was cheating on his girlfriend for his brother?" -Jolie (real life) <after that Whitney spewed chocolate milk all over the lunch table>

284. "'Twas an over sight. It shan't happen again," -Mertin/Danny Smith (big wolf on campus)

285. "Hover Much?" --Red Pepper's new slogan

286. "Rabbit is good, Rabbit is wise," --Rabbit/Alan Ruck (Twister)

287. "Beavers and ducks!" -Terry/Billy Bob Thornton (Bandits)

288. "I'm going to call the thief that stole my cell phone right up and give him a piece of my mind!" -Pete/Richard Ruccolo
 <Pete dials. Irene cell phone rings>
 "Oh my daddy gave me one of these. But who would be calling me?" -Irene <picks it up>
 "Hello?" -Pete
 "Hello?!" -Irene
"Hello? I can't hear over you,"-Pete
"Sorry," -Irene <hangs up>
 "Hello? Huh. He hung up," -Pete <pause>
 "You people are so stupid!" -Berg/Ryan Reynolds (Two guys and a girl)

289. "I lost my cell phone," -Sharon/Traylor Howard
 "Try calling yourself, maybe it'll ring," -Johnny/Nathan Fillion
 "Good idea. I better not answer it. That would really freak me out," -Sharon (TGAAG)

290. "Pick up that piece of paper Marvin that's what you say. Here I am the brain the size of a planet and you ask me to pick up a piece of paper. But that's ok, I'm quite used to being humiliated. I can even go stick my head in a bucket of water if you'd like. If that's what you really really want me to do. Would you like me to go stick me head in a bucket of water?" -Marvin
 "What did he say?" -Trillion
"Nothing. He just phoned-up to wash his head at us," -Zaphod (Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy)

291. "Please state your name," -Ground Controller
 "You're the ground controller? Man, reality sucks," -Cat/Danny John Jules
 "You're name is Reality Sucks? I don't have you on my list for clearance Mr. Sucks," -Ground controller
 "I'm outta here!" -Cat
 "Wait! Come back Mr. Sucks! Come back!" -Ground controller (Red Dwarf)

292. "Did he just go crazy and fall asleep?" -Wash/Alan Tudyk
 "I told him to sit down," -Simon/Sean Maher (Firefly)

293. "Feeling better are we, love?" -Spike/James Marsters
 "I'm naming the stars," -Dru/Juliet Landau
 "You can't see the stars, love. That's the ceiling. Also it's day," -Spike
"I can see them. But I've named them all the same name, and there's terrible confusion," -Dru (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

294. "You can't have my shiny thing! I found it. It's my shiny thing," -Cat/Danny John Jules
 "What are you dribbling on about?" -Rimmer/Chris Barry
 "This is my shiny thing!" -Cat
"It's a yo-yo you modo," -Rimmer
"It does two amazing things. You see on one hand you have the shiny thing up here and the string down here at the bottom…OR! This is the clever part. You have the string up here at the top and the shiny thing down where the string used to be!" -Cat
"You have no idea what that is for, do you?" -Rimmer
 "Sure I do grease-stain! You move the shiny thing and…ow! The string is moving! Get the string, get the string!" -Cat

295. "Never talk to people who write things down. Military Rule," -- Jackrum (Monstrous Regiment by Terry Pratchett)

296. "Hey!" -Cory/Ben Savage
 "What are you doing?!" -Shawn/Rider Strong
 "I was being you!" -Cory
 "That wasn't me. That was Fonzie!" -Shawn (Boy Meets World)

297. "But the plans were on display" --Prosser
 "I eventually had to go down to the cellar," Arthur
 "That's the display department," --Prosser
"With a torch," -Arthur
 "The lights had probably gone," --Prosser
 "So had the stairs," -Arthur
 "But you did see the notice," --Prosser
 "Yes. I found it at the bottom of a locked filing cabinet in a disused lavatory with a sign out side the door saying beware of the leopard. Ever thought of going into advertising?" -Arthur. (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

298. "…identity crisis…" -Wesley/Alexis Denisof
 "Look, I'm Angel," -Cordelia/Charisma Carpender
 "He doesn't generally spin that much," -Wesley
 "I got it. This is Angel. 'No I can't do anything fun today. I have to count my pass sins, then alphabetize them. Oh yeah, and I'm thinking about snapping on Thursday," -Cordelia (Angel)

299. "I live in the city. I know a sparrow from a starling. Everything else is a duck as far as I'm concerned," -- William de Worde (Monstrous Regiment by Terry Pratchett)

300. "An air salon?" -Frank/Patrick Duffy
 "No, a air salon. Like the air on your ed. Are you ard of earing?" -Jean-Luc/Bronson Pinchot
"No, I ear perfectly fine," -Frank (Step by Step)

301. "'Dear Buffy...' Hmmm. I'm still trying to decide the best way to send my regards," -Angel/David Boreanaz
 "Why don't you rip her lungs out? That might make an impression," -Spike/James Marsters
 "Lacks... poetry," -Angel
"Doesn't have to. What rhymes with lungs?" -spike (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

302. "The arrow shot straight into the air and failed to hit anything, especially a duck," -- Terry Pratchett (Monstrous Regiment)

303. "Crap. I've got a husband, lots of little pink children and more money than I can reasonably manage," -Anya/Emma
 "That means you're winning," -Xander/Nicholas Brendan
 "It does? Oh good, can I trade in the children for more money?" -Anya / Emma Caufeild (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

304. "Do you know what that constellation is?" -Dewey/David Arquette
 "No, what is it?" -Gale/Courtney Cox
 "I don't know. That's why I was asking you," -Dewey/David (Scream)

305. "Why is everyone so concerned with Berg? Huh? Why isn't anyone concerned about me? You know I'm dealing with a lot of difficult emotions right now. Now will someone please find me a stick and help me pick my underwear out of a tree, I'm late for a train!" -Pete/Richard Ruccolo
 "But where are you going?" -Sharon/Traylor Howard
"Albany," -Pete
"What?!" -Sharon
"Susan and I are going to see where we stand," -Pete
 "Wow. I bet your brain's no bigger than a pea," -Ashley/Susan Crier
 "What I think Ashley means to say is sweety I think you just need to slow down and think about what this will do to your relationship with Berg," -Sharon
 "No, what I meant was that if we had a pea and then Pete's brain and compare…" -Ashley
 "Ok, thank you!" -Sharon
 "Berg will get over it. He always does. When he went out with Marty without telling me, I got over it," -Pete
 "Really?" -Sharon
 "No! But we're still friends!" -Pete (Two Guys and a Girl)

306. "Time was something that largely happened to other people; he viewed it in the same way that people on the shore viewed the sea. It was big and it was out there, and sometimes it was an invigorating thing to dip a toe into, but you couldn't live in it all the time. Besides, it always made his skin wrinkle." -- Terry Pratchett (Thief of Time page 37)

307. "J-O-Z-X-Y-Q-K," -Cat/Danny John Jules
 "That's not a word," -Lister/Craig Charles/Chris Barry
 "Sure it is. It's a cat word," -Cat
 "Jozinsky?" -Lister
 "That's not how you pronounce it," -Cat <playing scrabble> (Red Dwarf)

308. "We could pound our enemies into powder with a sledge hammer, but gosh, we did that last night," -Xander Harris/Nicholas Brendon (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

309. "Dad wake up, it's the gnomes," -kid
 "Huh? I don't here any phone. There's no phone," -Dad
 "Not the phone, the gnomes," -Kid
 "The Gnomes are calling at this hour?" -mom
 "They're not calling, they're missing," -kid
 "What's missing?" -mom
 "Nothing's missing. It's just a dream," -dad
 "It's not a dream!" -kid
 "I know when something is a dream. Go back to bed," -Dad (Goosebumps)

310. "He's not pointing at the tick-tock, he's pointing at his boo-boo. He wants his boo-boo," -mom
 "I thought he was getting a new boo-boo," -man
 "Turn the car around. We're going to the tick-tock to get the boo-boo," -guy (Baby's Day Out)

311. "Pardon me, is this the bus to Potato Salad?" - Edwin/Danny Kaye
 "Whoa, give me that one more time. Slow," -Bus Driver
 "I need to get to Prospect Park," -Edwin
 "Oh, I thought you said you wanted to go to Potato Salad," -Bus Driver
 "I do. Now hurry. I must get to the Buzzy Park," -Edwin
 "You live in Brooklin?" -Man
 "No," -Edwin
 "Then why are you going to Brooklin?" -Man
 "I'm not," -Edwin
 "The bus is," -Man
 "No, it's going to Smidt's Delicatessen," -Edwin
 "It is? What for?" -Man
 "Potato salad. Potato Salad!" -Edwin (Wonder Man)

312. "You could have had it, but you didn't have what it takes. An evil hand. I mean who here does? Leon doesn't. Charlie doesn't. <messes up Charlie's hair> You do know you gave me an evil hand right? I've been writing KILL KILL KILL on everything. It's crazy! It's crazy. Anything could happen," -Lindsey/Christian Kane
 "Alan…" -Nathan
 "Alan, how are you? <points gun at Alan> Uh oh. Uh oh! <shoots Alan's foot> Ooo! That's gonna hurt in the morning. Come here. <shoves Alan to the floor> Stop it evil hand, stop it! I just can't control my evil hand! Nathin, I'm so proud that you chose me. Charlie! <messes Charlie's hair again> But if I were in your shoes, I would have chosen Lilah. I'm gonna tell you why. Do you know how many hours this chick has logged in? The files she has on you guys? Deep stuff. Ronny, your stock manipulations, Nathan's offshore accounts. Can you imagin if something would have happened to this girl and those files got back to the senior partners? They'd eat you alive! She's been working overtime boys. She's everything you've ever dreamed of. Lilah is your guy. Me? I'm unreliable. I've got these evil hand issues and I'm bored with this crap. Besides, I'm leaving and if you wanna chase me, be my guest and remember…EVIL. <holds up hand and whispers,> Charlie! Good luck<to Lilah> Evil!" -Lindsey (Angel ep. Dead End)

313. You've got no business…why…why aren't you trying to kill me?" -Lindsey/Christian Kane
 "Excuse me, I'm on a case here Lindsey. Does everything always have you be about killing you all the time?" -Angel/David Boreanaz
 "I can see you guys got issues, so I'm just gonna…" -Guy
 "That's my lead! You're choking MY lead!" -Lindsey
 "'He's my lead, he's my lead!' What are we in the school yard here? Look, you wanna get to the bottom of this, you gotta learn to play with others. Ok, look. I'm gonna loosen the rope and you're gonna tell me all about your parolly Bradley Scott," Angel
 "Who?" -Lindsey
 "The guy's hand you're wearin' so you might wanna listen up," -Angel
 "You don't tell me what to do," Lindsey
 "He's so immature," -Angel
 "SHUT UP!" -Lindsey (Angel ep. Dead End)

314. <Pete screams like a girl> "Oh, it's just you inspector," -Pete/Richard Ruccolo
 "What are you doing here Dunville?" -Inspector
 "It's just that fire fascinates me. How can fire be so beautiful but so hurtful?" -Pete
 "Well put," -Inspector
 "So, have you found out what started the fire?" -Pete
 "Yep. Someone put hazardous cardboard by this furnace. When this baby started up, it was hot time in old town," -Inspector
 "Shouldn't the furnace be in the basement?" -Pete
 "No, you see there was a wall here and someone put cardboard in the little door here," -Inspector.
 "Oh. Oh! OH! So this cardboard could be a shoebox, or a cereal box, or say a smoke detector box…" -Pete
 "Good work Dunville. Those are all very good examples of cardboard," Inspector
 "So, did you figure out who did it?" -Pete
 "No, it could have been anyone," -Inspector
 "Oh so, no evidence, case closed right?" -Pete
 "I'd say it was either a very clever arsonist or someone who knows nothing about fire prevention," -Inspector
 "Suppose that rules out you and me then, huh?" -Pete <runs away> (Two Guys and a Girl)

315. "Mitty! What in the violent tarnation are you and that pigeon trying to do?" -Pierce
 "Mr. Pierce, you gotta listen to me. I was out there hanging by my hands. A tall doctor pushed me out the window!" -Walter/Danny Kaye
 "What's is this insane? What tall doctor?" -Pierce
 "The one you sent in to me to tell me the story. He didn't come in to tell me any story. He just came in to push me out the window!" -Walter
"I didn't send anyone in to push you out the window! I've got more important things to do," -Pierce (The Secret Life of Walter Mitty)

316. "Ashley's pregnant and I'm not the father," -Berg/Ryan Reynolds
"Johnny!" <hits Johnny> -Sharon/Traylor Howard
"Not Johnny! It was Pete!" -Berg/Ryan
 "WHAT?!" -Pete/Richard Ruccolo
 "Oh Pete, I knew you didn't love me," -Irene <crying, gets up and runs for the door, reaching in purse>
 "Irene…now come on…" <eyes get really big> "NO! Irene!" <runs, tackles Irene, sits on her on the couch as he dumps all the contents of her purse on the ground> "She's got a gun!" -Pete/Richard
 "No! I was reaching for a tissue!" -Irene
 "What?" <turns to Hobo Chad> -Pete/Richard
 "You lied to us?" -Berg/Ryan Reynolds
 <laughing> "I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at Pete," -Hobo Chad
 "I don't understand. We invited you into our home and gave you dinner. Why would you lie to us and get us al fighting with each other?" -Ashley/Susan Crier
 "My version of dinner and a show. Now if you don't mind, I'm off to feed the homeless," -Hobo Chad <picks up 'turkey' and heads for the door> (Two Guys and a Girl)


 317. "Two Listers? Two Listers and a man with pointy teeth." -Rimmer1/Chris Barry
 "Hi." -Lister3/Craig Charles
 "Three Listers?! Great, maybe Lister here can pour a drink for Lister and Lister. Rimmer can't have one because he's dead, but I wouldn't mind a drink!" -Rimmer1
 "I don't mean to confuse anyone, but I'm the Rimmer from that Listers time. Now listen closely. From here on in, things get just a little complicated," -Rimmer3
 "May I just say one thing before we get started? GO AWAY!" -Rimmer1 (Red Dwarf)

318. "If man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer," --Henry David Thoreau (Walden: Conclusion)

319. "Remember this: If someone brings you a TV, don't let them take it away again," --Albright (real life)

320. "Built into writing is a vacation from your work," --Gluek (real life)

321. "The ocean is a conspiracy trying to make rivers salty," --M. Gonzalez (real life)

322. "Get in the Christmas spirit. Give someone a hug or a kiss, but don't give someone a chiapet," --M. Gonzalez

323. "Cast not pearls before swine," --Aunty Shrew (The Secret of NIHM)

324. "Of course I tell him that wisdom teeth, along with the appendix, were a mistake God made when he'd had a little too much to drink the night before." --Leonie Messer (real life)

325. "I like sporks. They're like spoons, but you can poke people with them." --Ed Robertson (real life)

326. "We were up in Heaven, but now we're in the mud. We fell off the wagon. You should have heard the thud." --Loudon Wainwright III (Heaven and Mud)

327. "There's a time when you can share and you hold hands and be on the same path. But there's always a fork in the road... at some point. And sometimes you have to go on one part of the fork and they gotta go on the other part of the fork. Or just down the back part of the fork while you go forward. And they're like *sigh* Or they got a salad fork and you have one of the big dinner forks and you have longer to go but they're like done because that's it, they're stuck on a piece of food, that they *sigh*. A desert fork or like one of those, you know small little shrimp forks or crab forks and you're trying to get out a crab. They're like that and you're over here jumping to the huge serving fork or something like that, or a ladle, you know. " --Gherhart/Alan Tudyk (28 Days)

328. "No one adult human being is happy! People are born, they have a limited amount of time going around thinking life is dandy but then, inevitably, tragedy strikes and they realize life equals loss! The whole point of the game is to minimize the pain caused by that equation! Now some people do it by having kids, or making money, or taking up coin collecting, and others do it by getting wasted." --Jasper/Dominic West (28 Days)

329. "Grapes are like M&Ms because they're round, they taste good, and they don't melt in your hand. I wonder if they'll ever start making grapes with peanuts in them." --Cody Lambert/Sasha Mitchell (Step by Step)

330. "What are you doing?" -- Judy / Jami Gertz
"I dropped the remote," -- Bill / Mark Addy
"You dropped it UP the stairs?" -- Judy
"You don't know EVERYTHING about gravity!" -- Bill (Still Standing)

331. "There's no such thing as gravity; the world just sucks." --?

332. "Just be patient. Don't be a patient dying in a hospital, but BE patient...Where the hell is it?!" -- Aritan

333. "Teeter-totters at MY rock concert!" -- Chris

334. "We're gonna eat a dolphin!" -four / Michael Kean
"No you're going to pet a dolphin," -two / Michael Kean (Multiplicity)

335. "Happiness isn't happiness without a violin playing goat," -Julia Roberts/Anna Scott (Notting Hill)

336. "He doesn't know karate...like my karate." -- Victor/Matthew Lawrence (Cheats)

337. "You blacked out, don't you remember?" -- Kamaji (Spirited Away)

338. "She worked for Skippy Research Affiliates and her dog's name was Izon? Mrs. Paley?"--Max
" Hmm?"--Ms. Paley
"Is it possible that you worked for Izon Research Affiliates and your dog's name is Skippy?"--Max
"How did you know where I worked?" -- Ms. Paley (Hypercube)

339. "Dear Mr. Henry, Thank you for being honest with me. I know it was hard for you to admit what you'd done, and for that, I am proud of you. I don't need to know what compelled you to heckle "March Of The Penguins", let alone whip Tam Tam Crackers at the screen, but I can't imagine it was worth it. What are you going to do now? Are they flexible at all on your three month ban? I would be happy to talk to them if you want me to. This reminds me of the time you freaked out in the middle of Buckaroo Banzai. Do you remember that? They kicked you out for almost a year then. We really should go down there and talk to them. I think it would help. -- Josh  (his blog).

340. [Ford and a cute, small robot are falling out of a tall building] "Colin!" Ford bawled.
Colin didn't respond. Ford went cold. Then he suddenly realized that he hadn't told Colin his name was Colin.
"Come up here!" Ford bawled.
They were still descending, but the rate had slowed.
"Up, Colin!" he shouted.
Nothing.
"Your name," shouted Ford, "is Colin. So when I shout 'Up, Colin!' I want you, Colin, to go up. OK? Up, Colin!"
(Mostly Harmless by Douglas Adams)

341. Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run away. Death really hates that," -Matt Frewer

342. "Yeah. Oo and Ah. That's how it always starts. Then later there's the running and the screaming," -Ian Malcolm/Jeff Goldblum (Lost World) [in reference to dinosaurs]

343. "Yeah, that's how it starts. It's Oo and Ah now, but later there's the barking and the biting," -- Tim/Simon Pegg (Spaced) [in reference to his flat-mate's new doggie]

344. "You know it's gonna be cold when the dogs are wearing their d*** sweaters. We're putting sweaters on fur-covered animals! That's like putting a teeny tiny bathing suit on a fish. Dogs in sweaters do nothing but p*** off homeless people," --Lee Camp (Toddler Powered Vehicles)

345. "Why don't you do what you're told? Haven't you got a head?" (F451)

356. "Why don't you look where you're going?" -- James Eldridge
"It takes all the fun out of it," --Tim/Simon Pegg (Spaced)

357. "You can't look where you're going if you don't know where you're going," --junk lady (Labyrinth)

358. "His pancreas is going to explode because his brain's on fire," -- Cuddy (House)

359. "If the Good Lord had meant for us to worry, He would have given us things to worry about," -- O'Reilly
"He has! My wife!" -- Basil Fawlty / John Cleese (Fawlty Towers)

360. "Lord marshal Agamemnon rose in their midst, streaming tears like a dark spring tunning down some desolate rock face, its shaded currents flowing," -- Homer (The Iliad)

361."Didn't you say a lie can run around the world before the truth has got its boots on?" -- Boddony
"But it is the TRUTH," -- William de Worde
"So? Where's its boots?" -- Boddony (The Truth by Terry Pratchett)

362. "Do you know what they call a sausage-in-a-bun in Quirm?" -- Mr. Pin
"No?" -- Mr. Tulip
"They call it le sausage-in-le-bun," -- Mr. Pin
"They ought to call it a sausage dans lar derriere," -- Mr. Tulip (The Truth by Terry Pratchett)

363. "Every person always finds in each work of art only that for which his soul has prepared him. Therein lies the strength and inexhaustible quality of a work of art," -- Jawlensky

364. "Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck," -- Joss Whedon

365. "But I don't just misunderstand people. Some times people misunderstand me. The other day I went into McDonalds and ordered a hamburger. Do you know what the cashier said? She said, "Canada?" Now I don't know if she was trying to pull off the biggest up-sell in the fast food business or what. This guy looks gullible. I'll see if I can sell him Northern North America. That story was so funny, I'll tell it again. But this time, from her perspective. But people don't just misunderstand me. I misunderstand them. The other day this guy came into McDonalds and ordered Canada, but all he wanted was a hamburger. It's not like I was trying to pull off the biggest up-sell in the fast food business or anything," --Isaac Witty

366. "Curt, you don't want to end up like Sadly I'm Bradley," -- Tom / Fab Filippo
"Sadly, I'm Bradley," -- Bradley / Don McKellar
"Yeah, that's pretty funny, huh?" -- Tom
"No. Sadly, I am Bradley," -- Bradley
"Oh, Brad, hi. The receptionist must have..." -- Tom (Waydowntown)

367. [Chau is trying to organize a protest rally to bring back the recently cancelled TV show "The Education of Max Bickford."]
Chau Presley: Check out my sign.
[Holds up a sign that reads "We Don't Need No Education!"]
Chau Presley: We don't need no education. Get it? *"Education"*, "The Education of Max Bickford".
Euan: But it says we don't need it.
Chau Presley: No it says "We *don't* need *no* education". It's a double negative, which means we *do* need it!
Mike Platt: Chau, I'm not sure how to tell you this but, I think your sign's a little retarded!
Chau Presley: Yeah, retarded. Like a fox!

368. "Cat. Turkey. Bingo!" (Run of the House)

369. "I'm a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar," -- Wash / Alan Tudyk (Serenity)

370. "Mr. Flibble is very cross." -- Rimmer (Red Dwarf)

371. "Addressing you as Thibbledorf, Dark Elf Of Norrath, is simply not going to happen Mr. Henry. You should be thankful I'm calling you that and not many of the things I'm thinking of. You're so lucky that Dr. Wosley knows your obsessive history and brought along five bags of saline. He said your heart rate was almost undetectable. You spent two and half days without sleeping, eating, or drinking and by the grey-green tone of your skin I would venture to guess, rarely getting up from the computer to go to the bathroom. Come to think of it, that means the only thing you ate was that omelet last Friday. Now I understand why you were so giddy that morning, you had already downloaded "Everquest" hadn't you? You were just chomping at the bit to get back to your apartment so you could play. And all along, there I was, just happy you hadn't taken the whole Lincoln Plaza Cinema thing so hard. What a fool I was!" -- Josh Joplin

372. "Why should not a poet's cat be winged as well as his horse?" -- Henry David Thoreau

373. "I've given you my soul, leave me my name" -- John Proctor (The Crucible by Arthur Miller)

374. candybar

375. "I'm going back in the closet where men are empty overcoats," -- Monkey Business

376. This is how the world ends. Not with a bang but with a whimper. (T.S. Eliot, "The Hollow Men")

377. Sweater, n.: A garment worn by a child when its mother feels chilly.

378. --- I'm against justice.
--- You mean you're against justice or judice?
--- What the hell is judice?
--- It's that bit that comes after prejudice. It's a little worse.

379. "You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image, when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do." -- Anne Lamott (Bird by Bird)

380. "It's the last day of the year. I'd better start working on last year's new years resolution." -- Jaeger
"What was it?" --Jaime
"Procrastination." --Jaeger
"You just made that up!" -- Jaime
"Yeah, you're right. It was actually compulsive lying." -- Jaeger (real life)

381. "Why are we always dyslexic when we have to pick movies?" -- MacKenzie
"You mean indecisive?" -- Kaylee (real life)

382. "And he did lay down his life for us," -- Sacharissa
"Yes, but then he picked it up again!" -- Mr. GoodMountain (The Truth by Terry Pratchett)

383. "Ahh, not bad for a man in his Jim-Jams. Very Arthur Dent, now there was a nice man." -- The Doctor/David Tennant (Doctor Who )

384. "Ahh! I'm insane with anger!" -- Graham Hess / Mel Gibson (Signs)

385. "Jaywalkers of the World. . . walk on." -- Josh Joplin

346. "Say what you want about American kids. They're not only lazy. They're dumb too. But I've got a solution for the dumb kid problem. Make Legos popular again. They solve the problem 'cause Legos choke the dumb kids. The smart kids knew not to eat 'em. The dumb kids thought they were Chicklets. Why else would Silly Puddy look like a Cadbury egg?" -- Lee Camp

347. "The people I can't comprehend are the people that are hardcore pro-life and hardcore pro-death-penalty. It's like saying don't kill 'em yet. Just wait and see how they turn out first. Let's see if the afterschool program works and if not, then we'll whack 'em. That's not pro-life! That's pro...crastinating." -- Lee Camp

348. "You've seen the interviews with the guys who've spotted 'em. It's always the same. It's always some guy in the hills of Virginia who's like "I knew it was an alien because it was like nothing I've ever seen before." That don't mean anything! That mean it could be...a book!" -- Lee Camp

349."You can't dangle the bogus carrot of possible reconciliation whilst riding some other donkey!" -- Tim Bisley / Simon Pegg (Spaced)

350. "Anyone ever drive with no pants on? It's weird because when I'm driving, I feel like people know. They just kind of give me that look. Maybe I'm just paranoid. Or maybe it's because I'm driving a moped." -- Pete Lee

351. "I got caught the other day peeing in the shower. Yeah, I thought I could get away with it. But apparently that sort of thing is frowned upon…in Home Depot." -- Pete Lee

352. Cuddy: "Pay attention to me."
House: "Sorry, that would make it harder to ignore you." (House)

353."She just died, in a natural way, probably through loss of blood." -- Bjartur (Independent People by Halldor Laxness)

354."Love? No! Ask anybody. What makes ya rich. Money! I've got two stupid boys." -- Chet (Boy meets world)

355."I was on the verge of jumping into one of those holes in life out of which we emerge a bit tattered and bloody though we remain nonetheless sure that we had to make the jump." --Dalva (Dalva by Jim Harrison pg. 65)

386. "The major problem in modern university is parking, just as the major problem in modern Christianity is evidently bare asses in magazines." -- Michael (Dalva by Jim Harrison pg. 95)

387. "I heard a crowing that Dalva had said was a cock pheasant. Like roosters, they announced the day--it is rather like a male to announce the obvious." -- Michael (Dalva by Jim Harrison pg. 160)

388. "I may not have fingernails, but daaamn I've got fingers!" --Ashton (real life)

389. "If I tell you something weird, will you think I'm crazy?" -- Helena
"Yes, I expect so." -- Valentine
"Every time I look in a window, I see someone who isn't me." -- Helena
"How odd. That happens to me all the time. Me. Window. Look through it. Not me. The ones I see myself in are called mirrors." -- Valentine (MirrorMask)

390. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" -- Helena
"Absolutely. If we all had little wheels on our shoes, we could just roll around." -- Valentine (MirrorMask)

391. "I'm a panther. I shall slip unnoticed through the darkness like a dark, unnoticeable...slippy thing." -- Valentine (MirrorMask)

392. "I remember I said to him: 'Mr Bagwell, how can a mask know what you need?' And he said: 'Remember Cynthia, I don't know what I'm talking about.'" -- Mrs. Bagwell (MirrorMask)

393. "Right, and you reckon that's the charm, hmm?" -- Minister
"Yes." -- Citizen 1
"I'd have to say, to me, it looks rather like half a brick." -- Minister
"Not really. Well... a bit..." -- Citizen 1
"It is half a brick isn't it?" -- Minister
"Ermmmmm..." -- Citizen 1
"Good try, thanks for coming. Next." -- Minister
"The charm." -- Citizen 2
"No, that's actually a chicken." --Minister
"The charm." -- Citizen 2
"I understand this must be quite painful for you but really it is a chicken." -- Minister
"I keep trying to tell him, he just doesn't listen." -- Chicken (MirrorMask)

394. "My mum always said: 'It's a dog eat dog world, son. You get them before they get you. Eat your greens. Stop embarrassing me in front of the neighbors. Maybe it would best if you leave home and never come back!' She wasn't even my real mum. She bought me from a man." -- Valentine (MirrorMask)

395. "Ah, the search for God. And do you know what happens when you find Him? He says, "you're it!" and then it's God's turn to find you." --Jeff Nelson (real life)

396. "I find clothes a distraction from the pursuit of spiritual and intellectual fulfillment." -- Enlightened Cat / Danny John Jules
"That's weird, because I find spiritual and intellectual fulfillment a distraction from the pursuit of clothes!" -- Cat / Danny John Jules (Red Dwarf)

397. "Nice in a bodyguard is about as useful as the ability to regurgitate whole lobsters." -- Marquis de Carabas / Paterson Joseph (Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman)

398. "Particles of raw inspiration sleet through the universe all the time. Every once in a while one of them hits a receptive mind, which then invents DNA or the flute sonata form or a way to make light bulbs wear out in half the time. But most of them miss. Most people go through their lives without getting hit by even one. Some people are even more unfortunate. They get them all." -- Wyrd Sisters by Terry Pratchett, page 77

399. "'It's been here a long time,' said Granny. 'So's everywhere,' said Nanny, and added, with the air of a lifetime student, 'Everywhere's been where it is since it was first put there. It's called geography.'" -- Wyrd Sisters by Terry Pratchett, page 119

400. "The dead shouldn't kill the living. [...] We'd all be outnumbered for one thing." -- Granny Weatherwax (Wyrd Sisters by Terry Pratchett, page 153

401. "And they were all as self-centered as a spinning top." -- Wyrd Sisters by Terry Pratchett, page 164

402. "This was because the kingdom did not, in so many words, move through time in the normal flickering sky, high speed photography sense of the word. It moved around it, which is much cleaner, considerably easier to achieve, and saves all that traveling around trying to find a laboratory opposite a dress shop that will keep the same dummy in the window for sixty years." -- Wyrd Sisters by Terry Pratchett, page 205

403. "This is Art holding a Mirror up to life. That's why everything is exactly the wrong way round." -- Wyrd Sisters by Terry Pratchett, page 283

404. "Name me one thing that's going on that you don't know about." -- Colon (Thud! by Terry Pratchett)

405. "Everyone wants something from Vimes, even though I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Hell, I'm probably a spoon." -- Sam Vimes (Thud! by Terry Pratchett)

406. "Alcohol didn't seem to go to her brain at all. It could be that it couldn't find it." -- Thud! by Terry Pratchett

407. "The man was clearly as mad as a spoon, writing notes that he wanted to keep secrets from the Chicken. Sometimes he'd stop writing in midnote if he thought the Chicken was watching [...] and that was his life: one huge oblong of canvas; Methodia Rascal, born, painted famous picture, thought he was a chicken, died." -- Thud! by Terry Pratchett

408. (introducing himself) "Brian, painter, loser." -- Brian Topp / Mark Heap (Spaced)

409. "Doesn't it change history even if you just tread on an ant?" -- Sam Vimes
"For the ant, certainly." -- Sweeper (Night Watch by Terry Pratchett, p. 240)

410. "He always had an allergy to edged weapons too near his face." -- Night Watch by Terry Pratchett, p. 224

411. "The Patrician always put Ridcully in mind of a predatory flamingo if you could find a flamingo that was black and had the patience of a rock." -- Reaper Man by Terry Pratchett, p. 95

412. "He was certain he was anorectic, because every time he looked in a mirror he saw a fat man. It was the Archchancellor, standing behind him and shouting at him." -- Reaper Man by Terry Pratchett

413.  "His business was the separation of the wheatgerm of the soul from the chaff of the mortal body." -- Reaper Man by Terry Pratchett, p. 145

414. "People never told the Archchancellor to shut up. Shutting up was something that happened to other people." -- Reaper Man by Terry Pratchett, p. 228

415. "They buried you alive just because you [w]ere dead." -- Doreen (Reaper Man by Terry Pratchett), p. 277

416. "What's the good of having mastery over cosmic balance and knowing the secrets of fate if you can't blow something up?" -- Dean (Reaper Man by Terry Pratchett), p. 305

417. "No one is finally dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away -- until the clock he wound up winds down, until the wine she made has finished its ferment, until the crop they planted is harvested. The span of someone's life, they say, is only the core of their actual existence." -- Reaper Man by Terry Pratchett, p. 317

418. "No matter how fast light travels it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it." -- Reaper Man by Terry Pratchett, 321

419. "Inside every living person is a dead person waiting to get out." -- Reg Shoe (Reaper Man by Terry Pratchett), p.349

420. "That man held up his thumbs and winked."
"Maybe he wanted a date."
"In Ankh-Morpork that means Jolly Good. In Klatch it means I Hope Your Donkey Explodes."
"Why would he want to say Jolly Good to us?"
"Or hate our donkey so much?"  (Monstrous Regiment by Terry Pratchett)

421. "There's a grate in the ceiling."
"Not big enough to fit through."
"No but we could hang ourselves."
"I'm told that's a very painful way to die." -- Polly
"Who by?" (Monstrous Regiment by Terry Pratchett)

422. "I always thought that twins is two little souls born once, not one born twice," -- Nanny Ogg (Thief of Time by Terry Pratchett) p. 252

423. "Chaos is order in a mask." -- Thief of Time by Terry Pratchett, p. 279

424. "Scalpels don't have erasers." -- Berg / Ryan Reynolds (Two Guys and a Girl)

425. "What makes you wonder about the nature of this god character is that he creates something [cocoanuts] that is so perfectly designed to be of benefit to human beings and then hangs it twenty feet above their heads on a tree with no branches [...] I can only think that the business with the apple must have upset  him more than I realized." -- Douglas Adams (Last Chance to See) p. 47

426. "Some fish were jumping up the beach and into the tree, which struck me as an odd thing for a fish to do, but I tried not to be judgmental about it." -- Douglas Adams (Last Chance to See) p. 48

427. "We need to find out what people want from fire." -- marketing director
"Stick it up your nose." -- Ford Prefect
"Which is precisely what we need to know. Do people want fire that that can be fitted nasally?" -- marketing director (The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams)

428. "The human race is currently sitting 'round a bath over there making documentaries about themselves!" -- Ford Prefect (The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams)

429. "See? You got some oos and ahhs." -- Ashley / Suzanne Cryer
"I'm the wizard of ahhs." -- Pete / Richard Ruccolo (Two Guys and a girl)

430. "The gifts he has brought with him from civilisation turn to dust in his hands as he realizes that everything he has is merely the shadow cast by what he has lost." -- Douglas Adams (Last Chance to See) p. 82

431. "One conservation worker [...] wondered if the mating call of the male didn't actively repel the female, which is the sort of biological absurdity you otherwise find only in discotheques." ---- Douglas Adams (Last Chance to See) p.  116

432. "He gripped his knife at waist height. No one who knew anything about knives ever used the famous overarm stabbing motion so beloved of illustrators. It was amateurish and inefficient. A professional would strike upward; the way to a man's heart was through his stomach." -- Terry Pratchett (Soul Music) p. 270

433. Buddy: "Who's the most famous horn player there ever was, Glod?"
Glod: "Brother Charnel. Everyone knows that. He stole the alter gold from the Temple of Offler and had it made into a horn and played magical music until the gods caught up with him and pulled his..."
Buddy: "Right, but if you went out there now and asked who the most famous horn player is, would they remember some felonious monk or would they shout for Glod Glodsson?" -- Soul Music by Terry Pratchett, p. 212

434. "CSI: Cardiff. I'd like to see that. They'd be measuring the velocity of a kebab." -- Andy (Torchwood)

435.  Eugene: "I think it's him -- my alien [...] He couldn't contact me in any other way, so..."
Gary: "So he chose E-Bay?" (Torchwood, "Random Shoes")

436. Professor Yana: "[You're] a hermit...with friends?"
Doctor: "Hermits United. We meet up every ten years, talk stories about caves. It's good fun. For a hermit." (Doctor Who, Utopia)

437. "What is once well done is done forever." -- Henry David Thoreau (Civil Disobedience)

438. "Cast your whole vote, not a strip of paper merely, but your whole influence." -- Henry David Thoreau (Civil Disobedience)

439. "Is there not a sort of blood shed when the conscience is wounded? Through this wound a man's real manhood and immortality flow out, and he bleeds to an everlasting death." -- Henry David Thoreau (Civil Disobedience)

440. "'Know all men by these presents, that I, Henry Thoreau, do not wish to be regarded as a member of any incorporated society which I have not joined' [...] I should then have signed off in detail from all the societies which I never signed on to; but I did not know where to find a complete list." -- Henry David Thoreau (Civil Disobedience)

441. "I shall take care never to be Governor of Massachusetts." -- Henry David Thoreau (Slavery in Massachusetts)

442. "A government which deliberately enacts in injustice, and persists in it, will at length ever become the laughing-stock of the world." -- Henry David Thoreau (Slavery in Massachusetts)

443. "The law will never make men free; it is men who have got tot make the law free." -- Henry David Thoreau (Slavery in Massachusetts)

444. "The press exerts a greater and more pernicious influence than the Church did in its worst period[...] We do not care for the Bible, but we do care for the newspaper.[...] When I have taken up this paper with my cuffs turned up, I have heard the gurgling of the sewer through every column. I have felt that I was handling a paper picked out of the public gutters, a leaf from the gospel of the gambling house, the groggery and the brothel, harmonizing with the gospel of the Merchants' Exchange." -- Henry David Thoreau (Slavery in Massachusetts)

445. "Be men first, and Americans only at a late and convenient hour." -- Henry David Thoreau (Slavery in Massachusetts)

446. "The amount